We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
