fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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