I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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