He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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