I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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