the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
