i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
