well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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