every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
