I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's no shave November. This is our time.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
