I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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