K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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