I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
