i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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