God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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