He is an equal opportunity slut.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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