Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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