now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
