She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
