We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
