Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
