Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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