i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
