yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
