He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
we're so committed to being not committed
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize