Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
