guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
