I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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