Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Randomize
