i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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