Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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