Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
