Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The Olympian is in my bed
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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