I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
