It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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