Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I could fuck to npr.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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