I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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