literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
