Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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