so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
