Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
