last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
