Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
