She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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