So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize