You really coming over, don't trick.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
