the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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