Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize