How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
