She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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