Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
