If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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