Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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