erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
