dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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