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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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