The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
