Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
