i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
