when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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