either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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