Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
love makes seman taste better
i used baking grease as lip gloss
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
