i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
