You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
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Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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