I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize