I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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