i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
True strength comes from lack of pants
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
