looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I am one with the molecules
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
