Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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