...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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