Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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