We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
