Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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